An Illusory Self

by Edmund Celis, February 23, 2018.
Newport Coast Ball
Photo by Edmund Celis

I always contemplated the question of who would I be if I were born someone else? Why it has occurred to me that I would be exactly who I feel right now. Who else is there?

I feel myself in relation to others and you do the same. Everyone feels like they are the center of the universe and that is because they are. It's like a sphere, where all points on the surface is the center when looked at directly.

As mentioned in my other article,

you do not exist. Well what a relief that is! Because now you don’t have to victimize yourself for things that happen to you or when others slight you in some way. Nor do you have to feel guilty for doing something.

If you see others’ actions as a process rather than a person doing something, you no longer get stuck in trying to put others down nor do you take anything personally. Your action and others’ action is of the same action as the environment. There is no you to be a victim or subject to harm, nor is there a perpetrator who inflicts suffering onto others. So who are you trying to protect? More essentially, who are you? The you that you think you are isn’t there.

When things happen, they happen and you let it pass. You get angry at someone, or you make a mistake, you simply move on. It is like the river flowing amongst rocks and other obstacles. It crashes here and there but mostly flows around without hesitation. However, when you hold onto events in your mind, you struggle against the current of life. You are like the fish who swims against the stream but gets nowhere.

There is no you to begin with, nor are there other egos. There is only a happening process.

In this vast universe happening right now that includes everything, you are only aware of oh so little, but are unaware of the movement of billions of bacteria in your body and the galaxies circulating the universe. For example, do you command the red blood cells in your body to extract the oxygen from the air perfusing through your lungs or do you control the beat of your heart?

Do you orchestrate the nerve cells in your eye to process the color of light that creates your view of the world?

These things happen automatically. When you are aware of organs, usually this means that there is something wrong, such as when you have cataracts, you are aware of your eyes, or when you have a headache, you begin to worry about your head.

This feeling that you feel that you are here as you are is simply just another feeling, such as your sense of smell and touch.

We have been taught to believe that we are this skin encapsulated ego that is born and then dies and that’s that, and maybe there is this spirit that continues on. But all that is nonsense because it separates what you are into fragments. You see yourself as separate from everything else. However,

the universe doesn’t have separate things. And if there are no separate things, there is no cause and effect in this grand cycle of eternal energy.

Contrary to what some other articles focused on about being centered on yourself and feeling your body, when you no longer are paying attention to yourself but are rather just flowing with life’s movement, you aren’t aware that you are even there and so you flow naturally. You just go about doing things without any thought about what you are doing. When you get too self conscious however, you begin to think about how you appear to others.

Do I look alright? I hope I don't say um too much. Oh, my heart is beating too fast. These thoughts arise because you believe yourself to be the image that your mind creates. You create tension by thinking you are this ego against other egos. When you are not aware of yourself, there is no problem at all.

When you worry too much about this false image of yourself, you begin to get nervous. This is because your awareness of yourself is a muscular contraction that constricts your flow of being.

That’s why when in a relaxed state, you forget that you are there and go about your business without any hold up.

Our conscious attention is limited to delineating things and calling them separate things as to help us live as a society. However, at the same time, it introduces confusion to our minds by making us believe that these symbols are reality, when they are just representations of the real thing. It is as if we are mistaking the photo of the sun as the sun itself. You cannot feel any sunlight from a photo of the sun.

The word God, as any other word, represents an image in our mind and we forget that it is just a word. In the same way, we confuse ourselves with images of what we see as being our identities but we are mistaking these symbols for the intangible being that we are.

Look at how infuriated people become when symbols get burned to the ground. They become so attached to the image that they forget that it isn't real. It's like relying on a instructional manual for learning to breathe.

Close your eyes. What do you see? This is what a blind person would see. Imagine what their reality would be like? They have no images of anything in the world. It is rather a single process of experience for the blind person.

You can see then that our visual sense produces an illusion of the world.

Moreover, we have created language and mathematics to represent the world we live in but we have confused it for the world itself. In the same way, we have created identities for ourselves by naming ourselves but we mistake it for our true being. This role that I play as Edmund Celis as some wise enlightened person is just a play.

We can assume many roles in life but they are all just a show. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

A Phd in nuclear physics breathes the same way as a peasant who tends the fields.

Ultimately, you are a process. There is no individual actor but rather all is one acting together.

An easy way to grasp this is to remove the subject or noun in the rules of grammar and what you are left with is the action, the verb. You are not a thing, but rather the action itself.

However, you can see that this view leads to the contrary view that you are like the omnipotent God that controls everything. But as explained in "A Balanced Dichotomy" and "There Are No Wrong Feelings",

opposites go together like two opposite points on a spinning wheel where one goes up and the other goes down. You cannot have one without the other.

Both views are right. You see, when you let go of your view of yourself, you begin to act in harmony with the galaxies, the wind, your breath, the rhythm of your heart because you no longer see yourself as separate from it all. You act in accordance with everything and thus have the power of the universe. In this sense, you are God.

So you can see yourself as moving with it all as One or the Mover of everything. They mean the same thing.

And so you do not exist as this human being living on Earth who was born from two gametes and who has this occupation and will soon pass. So what are you? A little better description in terms of the restrictions of language:

You are moving, breathing, treeing, sunning, feeling, living, dying, galaxying, enjoying, fusing, fissioning, thinking, humaning, Goding, being. You are universing...
Newport Coast hand
Photo by Edmund Celis.

Here is an audio of the article as well. Video and audio by Edmund Celis.

Do you know yourself? Please read my article "You Can Never Know Yourself" to find out.

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